DBT Principles

I didn’t realize i was unprincipled and that was my 

There’s no one cause, Sylvia. It just is. 

you have to be principled now, but don’t judge yourself for being unprincipled before.

you have to have goals, even if they’re small goals.

”talk to coworker without being a bitch”/“you have to brush your teeth each day”

habits and habit building are conscious choices, and the phrase “conscious choice” isn’t just a phrase. You have to be aware of your environment and the way it makes you feel. If you feel afraid or scared, it may not be the environment’s fault nor your fault — no one is at fault, it just doesn’t work out for you, but if you feel like running, don’t. Make a conscious choice. Are you making principled decisions? 

Stopping and grounding yourself are not hippy dippy ideas, they’re real. People stop and ground themselves in prayer, in meals, etc. 

People with BPD often grew up in environments where they did not see regularities of prayer, meal prep and mealtime with family, or functional family activities. Often pushed to their room or away because of their emotions, people with BPD felt seen in the people on film making erratic and crazy decisions. 

For me, personally, I feel the most seen in movies about children or aloof adults figuring out the adult world. 

Uptown Girls, Mean Girls, Big, 13 Going on 30, Gone with the Wind, Rent, 

Specific: Precious, Terry, Little Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, My Little Sunshine 

I have never felt like religion or spirituality made a difference for people at all. Who cares? Oh, bazinga. It matters. It all matters. What you put your faith into matters. If you have no faith, you will cling to anything that gives you reason, principle, and balance. Shitty relationships, shitty friendships, making yourself important in people’s lives then bailing when you are needed. Because you just wanted to have belonging, not responsibilities. But you have responsibilities, you have to do things, you have to hold up your end of the deal. And if you don’t want to — why not? Should you keep trying? 

I believe people without faith are truly wandering aimlessly, but they have to believe in something other than themselves. 

You feel seen in everything because you can’t let your mind slow down enough to register what’s happening, always floating aimlessly. Literally without goals or dreams — just existing. You have to find a community that is loving. That exists. Because you exist. 

You are doing the best you can and so is everyone else. We cannot walk on tiptoes around someone because you are easy to set off — no, you need to be a pleasant person because people are pleasant — for the most part, but again, all behavior has a cause and if we can help it rather than escalate it, it takes less time in our mind and in our physical body. My physical body can feel the pain and guilt I feel of having no community, but community is built and sought for. It is not easy to make, but much easier when you work through the guilt and sorrow you feel, and you can put face to name your trauma.